Perspective

It is easy to lose sight of the bigger picture.  These past two months have brought me to a place where I am aware that I am in desperate need of perspective.  It isn't that there has been tons of big things- it is everything, big and little, that wears me down little by little.  I feel like I'm falling.  The falling isn't the bad part, it is natural given who I am- frail, weak and needy.  The danger is if I fall back onto my own strength or try to figure it out on my own.  I need to fall back into the arms of someone who can provide the perspective I need.

Let me see... maybe a short rehash will help me put things into the right places.  My apologizes if it seems like "stream of consciousness" writing.  

-After a crazy week of preparations and late nights

-my husband takes a long trip with hopes of deciding where we will go after language study, which is cut sort by

-a daughter who falls ill and is hospitalized for 4 days which leads to 

-a serious lack of sleep and weariness of body which leads to 

-a state of mind that realizes how frail I am and how everything is so intricately balanced in my life.

-Termites, heat, disobedient children, knowing that it is a special holiday season back home that I'm missing, getting behind on correspondence, not getting my hours in of study, struggling to say very basic things in Tagalog that I learned a least a year ago- each incident feels like it carries more weight than it actually does.

-After this I unwittingly get myself involved in a couple of big cultural no-no's and that gets me to wondering about 

-what the grander purpose is of all of this and throws me back onto 

-What am I doing? Why am I here again? And that reminds me that maybe I'm asking the wrong questions.  Maybe I should be asking...

-Who called me here?  Who made me and knows that I am but dust?  What is He capable of?  Has He ever used failures before?  Is He able to take a tired, worn out, blundering fool who dishonors Him in thought and action and use her for something great?