Monday, April 07, 2008

April 6, 2008

I hardly know what to say. I'm here in Nebraska, sharing some precious moments with my family. My dad passed away this morning, here at home. He was 59. It was expected, but expectation doesn't erase the paradoxal numbness and sharpness of this new reality- I'm keenly aware that I am in a fog.

I don't hear his oxygen machine anymore.
I see his wheelchair across the room.
His books on tape are piled on the side-table in the living room.
His well worn Bible sits on the shelf.
His childhood teddy bear sits in bedraggled forlorn-ness on his dresser like it has since I was a little girl.
Over in the corner of his bedroom I see a pile of medical things: soap, gauze, antiseptic, syringes, pill containers, latex gloves.
His bed is stripped bare, reminding me that only 24 hours ago he was lying there and squeezing my hand when I said, "I love you, Dad."

I love you, Dad. I'm glad you're with Jesus.


Anonymous said...

Oh Val, I'm so sorry to hear of your sorrow. I'm happy for your dad, but sad for the rest of you! You're living every child's nightmare, no matter what the circumstances. We will be praying for you all, especially while you're separated from Dennis right now; that must be especially hard.

I pray that God's comfort and presence and love will be more overwhelming than the sadness and grief, and that the loss of your dad will intensify your attachment to your heavenly father.

with love,
Heather Sztanyo.

marybeary said...

Oh heart goes out to you. We will be praying.

Glidewell Family said...

Sorry to hear such sad news. My Dad is 58 and just had major back surgery that could have altered his life. Anyways it made us think that our parents are at the age where we could loose them. We will be praying for you and the fam.

Kate said...

Praying for you hon!

Patti & Bruce said...

xo to you!! You and all your family are in our minds and often being prayed for!! Today Heidi's been going around here singing "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I'm praying He'll strengthen you today and throughout the week.
much love,

Holly's Homepage said...

We are thinking and praying for you and your family.

HopiQ said...

Sending you love and praying for comfort through this.

Joan said...

I'm glad you were able to be with your Dad before he died and I'm glad Dennis and Quinn can come and see you too. Matt and I and the 2nd yr students have been praying for you and your family.

Brooks Update said...

Dear Val,
So glad that you made it in time to be able to talk with your dad and hold his hand. We certainly wouldn't wish him back to his suffering BUT - we share your pain at loosing a loved Dad - no matter what age and how much you expect that day to come - it is stilll hard to let go. That pain is still quite fresh in my mind - not even a month ago - maybe our dad's have finally met -and Betty too!. No more sorrow, no more pain for them - and something to look forward to for us. Meantime - may His strength be yours as you share your memories together. With much love to you and to all of yours - Elva and Don Brooks

Jean said...

Good picture of your Dad.